Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Hair Gel wishes and Cabaret Dreams

Have you ever thought about the life you would live, the thing you would do, if NOTHING could stop you?  A fantasy life. Something that is an expansion on something you already do, or something that has nothing, and I mean NOTHING to do with your current life? I have several of these fantasy lives and nearly all of them have something to do with the life I already lead. Lives that could become reality with some hard work, a few classes, another degree, a stronger immune system. Yet unrealized realities.

There is one fantasy I have though, one that I have entertained for years, gilding it in my mind and in my dreams. Turning it over, tweaking parts of it, changing the era. That fantasy, today at least, looks a little like this:

 CABARET my friends! It is the perfect fantasy for me, especially right now. Belt out music, like really from the gut belt it out. It's sexy (a quality I'm severely lacking these days). It's brash. Unapologetic. Glitzy and gritty all at once. Empowering. Moving like that, singing like that, dressing like that....the hair, well, I've got that half covered. Damn it, as soon as this fluff gets long enough, I'm going dark again to rock the Liza.

Some days my fantasy looks a bit more like this:

Miss Dita, oh yes. That ain't no yoga teacher:) Totally...TOTALLY different from the life I lead. That strong feminine energy. Just as empowering. And, my god, that HAIR. Just before I shaved my head for transplant, I dyed my hair completely black AND I LOVED IT. Every single day I curled it and styled it, wore full make up, went vampy (glittery but certainly not of the twilight persuasion). I miss that. Mostly for the ritual of it, wigs can give me the look

Why am I talking about this? Well, a few reasons. Last Friday I had the opportunity to attend a belly dancing workshop with an acquaintance from High School. I've never done belly dance before, African, modern, a little ballet yes, but this was totally different. It was amazing. It was SO. MUCH. FUN.

As much as I know that what shows on the outside, these changes to my appearance, haven't change WHO I am, in some ways, they have. I've had to reach inside and examine what makes me feel like a woman when I hardly have hair enough to style, when I'm feeling the effects of menopause, when my face is still puffy. Moving that way felt so.....womanly.

Yoga brings peace, calm, a moving meditation. Each pose stretching and pulling me back into myself. Each breath filling me with life. Aligning me with the divine, reminding me of the divine. This dancing felt like I was shaking the fire up. A fire that has been out for a long while. Yoga makes me human, this made me feel like a woman.  Apparently this teacher offers weekly classes, I'm thinking this would be effing fantastic. I felt happy that night, I haven't felt really, really happy in a little while. An added bonus? If I closed my eyes and moved, I felt like I could see myself in spangles, on a stage...that good ol fantasy.

Much Love:)

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