Wednesday, September 29, 2010

When written word doesn't cut it

Writing these last few days has been excruciatingly hard. I couldn't find the honesty in my words so I decided to turn on the camera and talk. Just tell you what is in my heart. These are quite long, almost an hour in total. I'll understand if you don't watch them. It was just the best way to share my heart with you right now. Missing you all and feeling SO MUCH LOVE.


  1. Laura,
    You kept me company this morning.
    Always want to know the real story.
    I am grateful for your love and openness.
    Here's to claiming your body back and for continued healing.
    Much love

  2. I'm really thankful for your videos this morning. I've been missing your posts! I love your honesty and openness and willingness to share your story with us. I'm sending happy thoughts and healing vibes your way.

  3. Laura,

    Thanks for being real and honest; it's my preference. I really, really miss you.

    I received some deep teachings about Ganesha this last week in Colorado and was thinking of you strongly: turns out Ganesh doesn't REMOVE obstacles per se, but he shows us how to turn that obstacle that tripped us and blocked our path into the very thing we push up off of.

    Here's to your anger and loneliness and fear becoming a platform for your continued growth and healing.

    Love you!

  4. Laura-Stay strong
    Come back to Philly soon!
    with lots of love

  5. Laura, you are so brave and courageous to share your dark moments. It inspires me to share mine, to be open and to be not afraid of weakness, because, as Justicia so kindly pointed out, the darkness is from where we grow. SO much love, and please let me know when I can send you cupcakes or maybe something that will hold up in the mail better!

  6. Laura, I talked with a Hawaiian man on Tuesday for a very long time. It turns out I was participating in a tradition, called 'talk story.' I told him that I felt this trip had required me to overcome some fears that felt overwhelming at first, and watching the Ironman athletes training I kept wondering what it was like to push myself that hard. He talked about being a free diver, meaning he uses no equipment, and learning how to hold his breath for longer and longer periods of time--so much that he can dive to the ocean floor and sit. He trains Ironman athletes and is the lifeguard who saves lifeguards (with no equipment). He is
    known as Buddha...really. So watching your videos, I keep thinking of the paced way he helps himself and others overcome fears or barriers. I think you're
    moving along a similar path of learning. You would be the one to say what that learning is, but I would encourage you to have faith in the process you're going through (not the medical, the personal, though they're hard to separate). Thinking if you, and am very glad you were released today! Love, Chris

  7. Dearest Laura,

    I've never met you; I know you only through this blog. Let me say that above all, you are a very special person.

    Of course you're angry! Of course you're feeling jealous! Of course you're feeling betrayed! Of course you're feeling scared and lonely! As you well know, it's okay to have such feelings. You don't have to be a pillar of strength throughout your ordeal. And at some point you'll be able to let those negative feelings go. Oh, maybe not presto, overnight! Those negative feelings will probably wax and wane over the coming weeks and months. But gradually, you'll work your way through them and emerge with the more positive feelings you desire and deserve.

    "If I see a flower today and it has faded some tomorrow, does it make my vision of it yesterday less beautiful?"

    With much love and admiration,

    Another Anon

  8. Laura,
    I miss you and appreciate your honesty. I am sending you good vibes from Philly:-)XOXO Christie

  9. hey, hon. i just want to hug you right now. i wish i could say something profound, that may comfort you or make some kind of wonderful shift, but that's just not possible. i believe your honesty and unfiltered truths are so powerful and valuable for all of us, but most importantly, this could be a necessary part of your healing. balance is everything..... in every part of our lives. and sometimes we teeter. i want to prop you back up. get you the right tape. leave you to your solitude, come back and laugh with you. cry, too. thank you for being so very real. sending so much healing support and love.

  10. My dear Laura: My tardy response to your message is only because I just got home from my trip and only now read it. I don't think many people would have the courage to open their hearts the way that you did. Why wouldn't you be angry, upset, depressed, and whatever other feelings you may have. No, it's not fair! Yes, you have a right to be jealous. Yes, you have a right to be afraid. Although its on an entirely different level from your situation. Since Grandad died I have been jealous of happy couples; sometimes afraid to be alone; angry at my life. BUT, what can I do about it? Just plod along and try and convince myself that things will get better, and thank God for my family and friends. It will get better for you. Why? Because I said so, that's why! Does anyone want to challenge that? I don't think so! Love you baby, so much. Nan