What a difference a day makes!
Last night my wonderful night nurse, Mitzi, told me that I could have two (count 'em TWO) doses of Ambien and a Darvon for my headache and the pain from the dressing change on my CVC, to which I said "Yes, PLEASE!". My goodness am I glad I did! Slept from 11 last night, right through 4 am vitals (they apparently made me get up and get weighed, don't remember that in the slightest), through 5 am Zofran and Benedryl (another offering yesterday to help temper the nausea), through line flushing (which I only know about because I tasted it in my dream and P corroborated the nurse's story), through chemo, through two doctors and a nurse and almost through breakfast. That's one hell of a sleep!!! Another reason? P went out and got me an eye mask to block out the light, like fancy ladies wear, at the advice of a good friend. You were right Lisa, best thing ever!
When I finally came to this morning, I found myself a touch nauseous again and, after learning my lesson from yesterday, requested "anything, everything, just not compazine". If there are any current or future patients reading this here's my advice: speak up and be nice about it, it's WORTH IT. In the interest of honesty, I will share that I still had a few bouts of crying this morning when I just got all self-pitying, but then P curled up around my in my hospital bed and kissed my bald little head and made me feel all better:). What a stand-up man, let me just tell you.
I dried my eyes, pulled on my big-girl pants and went for a long walk around the floor with P. When we came back, my breakfast was here (which P so kindly ordered for me) and I ate ALL OF IT. Like, ALL OF IT. Except for the fresh strawberry and orange slice which they (oops) put on there. It took tremendous self control not to inhale that and pretend like it never happened. Who woulda thunk that eating fresh fruits and veggies would be a habit to break. That's enough about my food, what boring reading.
At the moment, I'm winding down from another long (and brisk!) walk around the floor and indulging in Father of the Bride Part II.
Something that I discovered yesterday is that if I allow myself to feel stripped of my being, of my humanity, which is an easy thing to feel around here, that I will begin to spiral downward. If I reach out and connect, ask my nurses names and USE THEM, chat with the Nursing Assistants and family members on the floor, respond to text messages, blog, update facebook and joke around with P, I will stay stronger and happier. Sadness is inevitable, but it does not need to be a condition. I spent a good half hour talking with my night nursing assistant, Mercy, who told me all about her sons and her life as a teacher in India. It felt so good to connect and learn, like I could feel my heart swell when she smiled. Thank you, Mercy, I don't think you'll read this, but I'll send it into the universe anyway.
Homesickness is a hard thing to deal with when you are stuck in a tiny hospital room, but P's brother G sent a kickin' cool video of our cats wandering around last night. Just a shout-out to G to say thank you again, I cried, but only because I can't wait to squeeze those little fuzzballs again:)
Thank you for the comments and the calls and the texts, I know I say it all the time, but it means the world to feel connected. Feeling very thankful today for the opportunity to share with you and the messages of love and support coming back. Much love, Philly!