Sunday, August 22, 2010

Chemopalooza Day 2 (or Day -5)

What a difference a day makes!

Last night my wonderful night nurse, Mitzi, told me that I could have two (count 'em TWO) doses of Ambien and a Darvon for my headache and the pain from the dressing change on my CVC, to which I said "Yes, PLEASE!". My goodness am I glad I did! Slept from 11 last night, right through 4 am vitals (they apparently made me get up and get weighed, don't remember that in the slightest), through 5 am Zofran and Benedryl (another offering yesterday to help temper the nausea), through line flushing (which I only know about because I tasted it in my dream and P corroborated the nurse's story), through chemo, through two doctors and a nurse and almost through breakfast. That's one hell of a sleep!!! Another reason? P went out and got me an  eye mask to block out the light, like fancy ladies wear, at the advice of a good friend. You were right Lisa, best thing ever!

When I finally came to this morning, I found myself a touch nauseous again and, after learning my lesson from yesterday, requested "anything, everything, just not compazine". If there are any current or future patients reading this here's my advice: speak up and be nice about it, it's WORTH IT.  In the interest of honesty, I will share that I still had a few bouts of crying this morning when I just got all self-pitying, but then P curled up around my in my hospital bed and kissed my bald little head and made me feel all better:). What a stand-up man, let me just tell you.

I dried my eyes, pulled on my big-girl pants and went for a long walk around the floor with P. When we came back, my breakfast was here (which P so kindly ordered for me) and I ate ALL OF IT. Like, ALL OF IT. Except for the fresh strawberry and orange slice which they (oops) put on there. It took tremendous self control not to inhale that and pretend like it never happened. Who woulda thunk that eating fresh fruits and veggies would be a habit to break. That's enough about my food, what boring reading.

At the moment, I'm winding down from another long (and brisk!) walk around the floor and indulging in Father of the Bride Part II.

Something that I discovered yesterday is that if I allow myself to feel stripped of my being, of my humanity, which is an easy thing to feel around here, that I will begin to spiral downward. If I reach out and connect, ask my nurses names and USE THEM, chat with the Nursing Assistants and family members on the floor, respond to text messages, blog, update facebook and joke around with P, I will stay stronger and happier. Sadness is inevitable, but it does not need to be a condition. I spent a good half hour talking with my night nursing assistant, Mercy, who told me all about her sons and her life as a teacher in India. It felt so good to connect and learn, like I could feel my heart swell when she smiled. Thank you, Mercy, I don't think you'll read this, but I'll send it into the universe anyway.

Homesickness is a hard thing to deal with when you are stuck in a tiny hospital room, but P's brother G sent a kickin' cool video of our cats wandering around last night. Just a shout-out to G to say thank you again, I cried, but only because I can't wait to squeeze those little fuzzballs again:)

Thank you for the comments and the calls and the texts, I know I say it all the time, but it means the world to feel connected. Feeling very thankful today for the opportunity to share with you and the messages of love and support coming back. Much love, Philly!


  1. Hey Laura,
    You are a love warrior.
    What are your favorite songs?
    I don't know that part about you.
    I would keep singing ,its my body and I cry if I want to,
    sorta sung by Leslie Gore.
    Thinking of you
    Love Andrea

  2. i'm thinking you have a second degree/second profession/added calling, (whatever you want to name it) with the psychology and "do's and don'ts" of a health crisis. or writing a book, or SOMEthing.... you say the most important things, and with love and humor. GO, my friend!!
    i love and admire you!

  3. thanks for the updates! I can feel your First Principle, for reals, from here. thanks for shining!

    all love

  4. Love your honesty and I feel like we are learning right along with you. You are so right P is the MAN! Thanks for your updates and love your new pic. We miss your smiling face, so nice to see it! As for getting to know those around it, putting a name with a face and a story with a person is the best way to connect and help you to stay grounded and feeling good. It is so wonderful you have such a support system in place. Sending you love and peace from PHILLY
    miss ya!In our thoughts daily:-)
    Christie, John and Abigail Merschel

  5. I Love Father of The Bride 1 and 2! =) Having each other for support is a great thing for you and Phil, I'm sure he needs it just as much as you. Glad you got some sleep, your body needs it! I bet every single person you are meeting and telling us about is going home or where ever they go and telling the ones they love all about you! Because you Laura are an AMAZING woman as well! Thinking of you Always <3

    Much Love from JERSEY TOO BABY!!!!

  6. You look beautiful in your fancy scarves - I love them! Think about you amaze me :) Stay strong sister :)

    Love you,

  7. I'm catching up on your blog and i have to tell you, Phil is a one of a kind! Lovin and missing you both! Love the scarves....missing a skully one. I will find you one for that Chemo Punx in you. xox