In between appointments today, I took the plunge and shaved my head.
::gasp:: This shit just got real.
Literally, I actually shaved my head myself, well, about four square inches of my head. We took an AWESOME video of it too buuuuut Apple SUCKS (yes, Steve Jobs, your fucking products SUCK) and my MacBook only recorded 2 seconds of footage while lying to us and saying that it was recording the whole time. If you are reading this Steve Jobs, the iPhone is cool and all but I kind of want to cuss you out. Oops, I might have already done that.
When P and I discovered that the TEN MINUTE video he had taken was gone, there was cursing, crying, damning Apple to hell and then we grew up and decided to make the best of it. Here is a play-by-play of how the head shaving happened. Ain't he the best sport ever?
In all honesty, I expected to be much more emotional about losing my hair than I really am. As I discovered this morning, showering with my port involves complicated gymnastics with ClingWrap and water proof tape and hair makes this VERY difficult. Something else that yoga has helped me with on this journey? The ability to reach my arms much further down and across my shoulder blades than the average bear, making ClingWrap application a little easier. Thanks yoga! It may be appropriate to thank my yoga practice for giving me the strength in spirit to recognize that I am not my outer appearance, that I am so much more. There was also the power doing this gave me to control losing my hair on MY terms. This was not the tearful event that I had anticipated, though there was a moment where I felt a little emotional. This was empowering and freeing. It was also sort of funny to see how surprised the volunteer who helped me tie my scarf (a proper Texan lady, diamonds and all) became when I politely declined the offer of a free wig. My boobs are too big to burn my bra, so I'll go wig-less instead:)
After my afternoon appointments with the research coordinator and nurse, in which I had my port accessed for the first time (did you know that it tastes like a bandaid when they flush your port with saline and heparin? Neither did I. Surprise!) P and I took a pilgrimage to Target to buy some DVDs (Dawson's Creek Season One and Two anyone?!?) and v-neck t-shirts. I discovered that with my broad shoulders and this port, I look like a robot in normal t-shirts. That's cool though because I round a badass tee with skulls all over it:) Watch out BMT floor! This, however, was my first adventure out into the noncancer world with my bald ass head (I had a scarf on, you'll get another post about the scarves). My word do people stare. All I can say is that I sincerely hope that I have never stared at someone like that, though in all honesty I probably have and didn't realize it. Three separate women commented on the scarf I was wearing and how pretty it is (it IS pretty) and I wasn't sure how to take this. Yes, the scarf is beautiful, but it made me wonder if this was a way for those women to reach out in an easy manner. Either way, I'm totally fine with it, it just made me see the world through new eyes. I've been a cancer patient for almost two years now but today is the first time I've looked like the public image of a "Cancer Patient". In fact, on some of my sickest days so far (which will not be be sickest ever, if the nurses are correct in what they told me this morning), I have looked completely normal, if not a little tired. Appearances can be deceiving, huh?
As we were heading back from Target, we got a pretty effing cool phone call informing us that the Church Ministries came through and got us a BIGGER apartment and a location CLOSER to the hospital for LESS money! Kick ass! It's a great place (we may have gone to snoop:)). Even better? P and my Mom, who gets here tonight, will be able to move in tomorrow and I'll get to see it before heading off to the hospital. Thanks Church Apartment Ministries!
Tomorrow is the big move day, I don't know if I'll be able to post at all but I'm sure I'll be all up on Facebook. Oh, yeah. Can I ask a favor? So, apparently Blogger has a new feature where you can have your blog printed and bound into a book, including all comments, when you're done posting. This sounds like a pretty powerful keepsake, huh? Well, may I request that you, dear readers and friends, post your comments here instead of in a Facebook message if it's short? Thank you:)
And now, a shout out to J.B. and her husband T.B. (you will know who you are) who sent me a really cool message today about sexy bald ladies. Thank you:) What impeccable timing and what amazing support. From the bottom of my bald heart, thank you.
Thank you friends, much love to Philly:)! I'll leave you with some pictures of my shaving adventure and my sweet 'hawk.