Thursday, August 19, 2010

Baldylocks

In between appointments today, I took the plunge and shaved my head.

::gasp:: This shit just got real.

Literally, I actually shaved my head myself, well, about four square inches of my head. We took an AWESOME video of it too buuuuut Apple SUCKS (yes, Steve Jobs, your fucking products SUCK) and my MacBook only recorded 2 seconds of footage while lying to us and saying that it was recording the whole time. If you are reading this Steve Jobs, the iPhone is cool and all but I kind of want to cuss you out. Oops, I might have already done that.

When P and I discovered that the TEN MINUTE video he had taken was gone, there was cursing, crying, damning Apple to hell and then we grew up and decided to make the best of it. Here is a play-by-play of how the head shaving happened. Ain't he the best sport ever?



In all honesty, I expected to be much more emotional about losing my hair than I really am. As I discovered this morning, showering with my port involves complicated gymnastics with ClingWrap and water proof tape and hair makes this VERY difficult. Something else that yoga has helped me with on this journey? The ability to reach my arms much further down and across my shoulder blades than the average bear, making ClingWrap application a little easier. Thanks yoga! It may be appropriate to thank my yoga practice for giving me the strength in spirit to recognize that I am not my outer appearance, that I am so much more. There was also the power doing this gave me to control losing my hair on MY terms. This was not the tearful event that I had anticipated, though there was a moment where I felt a little emotional. This was empowering and freeing. It was also sort of funny to see how surprised the volunteer who helped me tie my scarf (a proper Texan lady, diamonds and all) became when I politely declined the offer of a free wig. My boobs are too big to burn my bra, so I'll go wig-less instead:)

After my afternoon appointments with the research coordinator and nurse, in which I had my port accessed for the first time (did you know that it tastes like a bandaid when they flush your port with saline and heparin? Neither did I. Surprise!) P and I took a pilgrimage to Target to buy some DVDs (Dawson's Creek Season One and Two  anyone?!?) and v-neck t-shirts. I discovered that with my broad shoulders and this port, I look like a robot in normal t-shirts. That's cool though because I round a badass tee with skulls all over it:) Watch out BMT floor! This, however, was my first adventure out into the noncancer world with my bald ass head (I had a scarf on, you'll get another post about the scarves). My word do people stare. All I can say is that I sincerely hope that I have never stared at someone like that, though in all honesty I probably have and didn't realize it. Three separate women commented on the scarf I was wearing and how pretty it is (it IS pretty) and I wasn't sure how to take this. Yes, the scarf is beautiful, but it made me wonder if this was a way for those women to reach out in an easy manner. Either way, I'm totally fine with it, it just made me see the world through new eyes. I've been a cancer patient for almost two years now but today is the first time I've looked like the public image of a "Cancer Patient". In fact, on some of my sickest days so far (which will not be be sickest ever, if the nurses are correct in what they told me this morning), I have looked completely normal, if not a little tired. Appearances can be deceiving, huh?

As we were heading back from Target, we got a pretty effing cool phone call informing us that the Church Ministries came through and got us a BIGGER apartment and a location CLOSER to the hospital for LESS money! Kick ass! It's a great place (we may have gone to snoop:)). Even better? P and my Mom, who gets here tonight, will be able to move in tomorrow and I'll get to see it before heading off to the hospital. Thanks Church Apartment Ministries!

Tomorrow is the big move day, I don't know if I'll be able to post at all but I'm sure I'll be all up on Facebook. Oh, yeah. Can I ask a favor? So, apparently Blogger has a new feature where you can have your blog printed and bound into a book, including all comments, when you're done posting. This sounds like a pretty powerful keepsake, huh? Well,  may I request that you, dear readers and friends, post your comments here instead of in a Facebook message if it's short? Thank you:)

And now, a shout out to J.B. and her husband T.B. (you will know who you are) who sent me a really cool message today about sexy bald ladies. Thank you:) What impeccable timing and what amazing support. From the bottom of my bald heart, thank you.

Thank you friends, much love to Philly:)! I'll leave you with some pictures of my shaving adventure and my sweet 'hawk.

Last picture of my with hair!
All done! Thank you Michelle and the Volunteer Beauty Salon at M.D. Anderson!

25 comments:

  1. You, my dear music friend, are an inspiration to me. The strength throughout everything that you've been through is incredible and I can't help but feel thankful to be able to read along with everything that is going on with you. Your video play-by-play was fantastic...P did an excellent job as a woman!!

    Much love from the HAVSD...we will definitely be missing your energy this coming year!

    <3 Julie

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  2. Any way you cut it,you are beautiful.
    May the force be with you,
    Nevermind it already is.
    <3 Andrea

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  3. So, now I made it to the bottom and saw the mohawk pics. :) Re your last entry regarding if you have a cute head or not? Check plus. :)

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  4. You are every bit of a punx rocker. Loved the Mohawk but loving the skin even better. When I shaved my head all I got was kick by all my punx friends in Hotlanta calling me a skinhead. Thanks for the shout out! My hair is now changing in it's mood ring form. It is shorter and dark blue & purple today. Thanks for the hair dye too! Loving you & Michele....I mean Phil BIG TIME!!!! xoxox

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  5. You look fantastic!! Really have a nice face for the shaved look. :) Thinking of you.

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  6. Laura. Hair is highly overrated. I've lived without it for years! Know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. What you are going through is one of the hardest things you will ever do. To keep going requires not only courage but optimism. So, keep a smile and a small laugh close at hand. Sometimes it will be an ironic grunt and forced grin. But, if you are able to see humor and good during this procedure you will be well on the way to a long and happy life. I wish you all the best.

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  7. you look awesome. sending much love and saying lots of prayers for you, laura. i have all the faith in the world that you will conquer all of this and we'll have a beer at john henry's :)
    i'll make sure to send even more love every chance i get now that i know you're pushing through this journey.

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  8. You can totally rock the bald head!

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  9. I laughed and I cried and then I laughed again. I love you both. And you are absolutely gorgeous.

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  10. Hey Laura, Uncle Jeff here( Yup the one and only Uncle Jeff ) Just saw your movie and I have to say you make that hair cut work girl! We have been thinking of you and Phil and its nice be able to see you guys. Keep in touch if you can I know you have a lot to take care of but text me or call when you can. Jeanne's mother said she will say a prayer for you and trust me her prayers work. ( I think she talks to god more than the pope ) We love you and miss you and we will see you soon.

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  11. WOW! You can seriously rock a mohawk really well and the bald head is looking HOT on you too;-) Miss ya and thinking of you and Phil. Glad to hear the news about your apt. Sending you peace and strength. Luv ya Christie

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  12. Hey Cueball (did i honestly make the first joke) - This is Christie's husband, John...

    Enough of the hair stuff, come back soon so you can make me some more brownies...the beers that preceeded them weren't so bad either. If you ever get bored, you can email me at johnmerschel@Hotmail.com . God loves you, so do John, Christie, Abby, Duncan and Baby to be..

    Take care and see you soon.
    Much Love, John

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  13. You are amazing, beautiful, and hilarious! You and Michelle did a great job with the re-enactment! I am thinking of you, sending you love, and missing you like crazy!!

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  14. Can I be perfectly honest with you??? (Of course I can! that's why you're my BFF!) You. Look. Absolutely. STUNNINGLY BEAUTIFUL WITH A BALD HEAD!!!! It's almost like all that hair had been hiding some of your beautiful features! Your eyes just POP! and your head is actually really nicely shaped from what I can tell. Just gorgeous. I'm thinking you should have done this a long time ago. I'm not kidding. Love you! -Maggie

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  15. I cried while watching the video - mostly because i was laughing so hard at Phil's head bobbing around in the background and him doing the lady hairdresser's voice.

    I love you both and love that you have each other.

    <3, Dolly

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  16. Hey girl, I love seeing you and Phil in action. The look that you gave him when you told SJ to suck a d*ck was priceless. You bring grace to every situation Laura -- it completely blows my mind and I'm not blowing smoke when I say that. You are beautiful through and through. Huge hugs from Ardmore. XOXO

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  17. I suggest you take your bald head to Facelift Yoga....hmmm.....also, we love the FB video from your friend on why being bald is cool, so awesome! Keep rockin' it, Laura, you're an inspiration to us all :)

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  18. Laura, you Rock!!! I cried watching and reading this post. You look AMAZING!!!! I loved the "hawk" too. And Brett's video was hysterical, I hope it gave you and P a laugh. Love to you both...Kathe

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  19. you are so beautiful. your head is fantastic. it matches your soul. rock on!

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  20. LOVE your bald ass head! you look beautiful ... and your head is shaped quite nicely! ;) you GO girl! xoxo ps ... LOVED the mohawk too! something to consider for the future!!! ;)

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  21. Gorgeous on the inside...Gorgeous on the outside!

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  22. Wow! Love the video! Great reenactment! You should have rocked the Mohawk for 1 day. lol. Talk about Demi Moore looking GREAT bald, watch out Demi, Laura Esposto coming through! You look fabulous, good news .. you have a perfect shaped head! =)Send me the apartment address! I like sending things the old fashioned way. High Five to the Church Ministries! I remember when Joey was bald, how much people stared because he looked sick but when he was real sick and had hair nobody thought he was sick ... looks can most def be deceiving! Always on my mind Love <3 Send Phil my Love. Happy Moving Adventures Xo

    Love, Katie & Sieana ... and that baby daddy guy. LoL

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