Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Chemopalooza Day 4/ATG day 1 and 2 (day -3 and day -2)

Hey y'all!

Sorry, didn't mean to scare ya. Yesterday (chemo day 4) was a shitty, shitty day. MOstly because ATG sucks monkey cock. Yeah, I said it. In the morning I had four hours of chemo (fludarabine and busulfan) followed by four hours of  ATG (devil's brew) with the addition of 15 (yeah, Mom and I counted FIFTEEN) other drugs. One of them was morphine. Fuck yeah. There were about two hours during the middle of the day when I was lucid enough to sit upright and talk to Mom, but then I found myself tossing my cookies for the rest of the night. Hey, reminder: cancer blog. There's no chemo without puking. :) One of the wierdest things about yesterday was that I can't remember a lot of it. SOme one you may have heard, but evidently I make Grey's Anatomy references when hopped up on 50 mg Benedryl + Morphine + Anti-seizure drugs. Sweet./

Story goes like this: Transfusing of ATG started at 10 am, just after chemo and pre-meds to prevent allergic reaction. The doctor's choose THIS TIME to rotate. Yeah, THIS FUCKING TIME. To come in and ask me how I feel. Um, bastards, how do you think I feel? SO. I remember looking up from my bed, where I'm laying looking all cancery, and notice that there are like, seven doctor's standing over me. My transplant doctor starts yamming at me (I don't recall a damn thing he said) and then asks me if I have any questions. In my mind I'm thinking "damn, this looks like those scenes in Grey's Anatomy when the doctors go stand over a patient and start yelling out answers" so my dumb ass looks up and SAYS "Yeah, where's Dr. McDreamy?". They totally got my joke. Which was interesting because after the fact I couldn't figure out if I had actually said it, until P so kindly reminded me that I'm a freak. And then their nervous laughter made sense.  The rest of the day was spent slipping in and out of sleep feeling like I had been hit by the worst flu of my life. Oh yeah, and the neuropathy has kicked in. My hands and tongue are all tingly. There was even one point where the ATG was effecting me by making my face TICKLE. Not tingle (duh nurses) but TIKLE. Like I didn't know whether to laugh or scream. Wierd stuff.

You know what? I can deal.  I told Mom and P yesterday, and I'll say it again, there have been times in my life when I've been sicker. Next door, there is a four month old baby. Four months. In what universe is that fair? If that baby can do it. If her parents can do this, I can pull on my big girl panties and do this. Motherfucker.

I did take some pics yesterday, I'll post a bit more as soon as the internet is up and running again in my room:) And please don't spoil the Real Housewives Finale facebook friends! Trashy TV is good for the soul.

Thank you all for the comments and e-mails and text messages. It was great to come-to today and see all of them. I felt my heart surge toward Philly:) MIss you all, love you and can't wait to come home!

Much love!


  1. You are positively awesome!!!!!

  2. i couldn't agree with "anonymous" more. wow. rock on. XOXOXOX

  3. and here are the latest crazy "words" i'm required to "type in the box" before my post goes up:



  4. Laura - You ROCK!! so glad to see your post - you've taught me a LOT today. Namaste -

  5. L-A-U-R-A Laura< no music sign on computer>

  6. Wow! Here I am crying because I have to return to work tomorrow and you are getting crazy drugs put into your body about to under go a bone marrow transplant and a 4 month old baby has cancer... Stop whining Katie, I said it! You are truly amazing! There are truly amazing people in this world that touch other people's lives daily, some they have never meant and YOU, Laura are one of those people! I feel honored to call you family! Ha Ha That Grey's Anatomy shit had me rolling .. I bet you are a nurses and doctors favorite, a diamond in the ruff <3 Did you hear they are shipping a NEW BEER over to the USA that is 6 times stronger, yes 6 times stronger than a regular beer. Screw a six pack .. everyone is going to be "one beer queers." LoL. Love you <3

    All My Love From JERSEY! <3 Katie

  7. Hey girl, so glad that you are feeling better today and I am blown away by your GRIT. Sending love to you and the sweetie 4-month old next to you. XOXO

  8. You are amazing and inspiring and SO FUCKING BADASS! You have a whole lot of people at home saying the same thing. Your space is definitely being held here.

  9. The answer is: in no universe is that fair, nor does it make sense. And yet it is. Like a zen koan. I think it's important to see and ponder those observations.
    Treasure your spirit and zest for life, and remember what you're seeing. Love, C

    code word is: crossit

  10. Hey Laura! I'm sorry it has been so long since I have commented, but I wanted you to know I've been following along as best as I can with your blog. I just read all of the chemo updates tonight which has me completely caught up since Sunday. I want you to know that I love how you took control and shaved your head. You pretty much kicked cancer in the face. I love and envy your strength. You are a force to be reckoned with. <3 I couldn't get the JustinTV thing to work tonight, but I'll try again when you are on next.

    I saw Temple's band today. They did a really great job and I gave your brother a few hugs. I'll see if I can get some good pics of him at some of the games and send them along. :-)

    Your scarves are beautiful and I'm happy you shared so many pictures with us. I'm glad that you are in the best place you could be right now and that P and your mom are right there with you. Love you,

  11. BIG DAY TOMORROW! i will be thinking of you and sending sunny vibes all day!