Monday, August 30, 2010

Day 3 (97 bottles of beer on the wall)

What a wonderful, uneventful, music and laughter-filled day.

This day was a blessing in so many ways. The simplicity and joy of waking up and feeling really good was...well..really good. The ecstatic joy in drinking (and stomaching) my first cup of coffee in a week was BLISSFUL. These are the feelings and moments I will never take for granted as long as I live.

Though sleeping last night was difficult (for some, P in particular) due to beeping machines- seriously, this pump is a life-saver and the biggest pain in the ass EVER- P and I both awoke this morning happy and alert. A good part of today was spent responding to as many messages and texts as possible, I want to ask though to please forgive me if you have contacted me and I have not been able to respond.  Please know that I have received your message or text or call and it has been cherished and that I want to respond to everyone, and will, it may just take some time:). Thank you for your love and support, it is immeasurably fortifying.  Thank you also for your words about my post yesterday, you all hold so much wisdom.

As I have said often on here, though it can never be said often enough, there are a great number of wonderful things about this place. The availability of Music Therapy is definitely on the tippy top of that list (ya know, besides the whole, they're-saving-my-life thing). Today Michael, the ever gentle Music Therapist, paid me a visit and came bearing gifts: a huge Fake Book to add to the collection that Dad brought down and a great keyboard (with a music stand!). Let me just tell you, Michael made my friggin' day. He dropped these things off and I sat up for an hour or so, sang, played and tinkered until he came back. When he returned we worked for sometime on a technique to program a playlist to bring me from my anxious moments into relaxation and from sadness into happiness. He is phenomenal at what he does and I am so thankful to have access to this service.

There is a line that comes to mind here that some who read this blog will know (I am paraphrasing for obvious reasons, or at least obvious reasons to those in-the-know): "It is in those moments of immense quiet, solace and abnegation that music speaks". Sigh.  Aside from my yoga mat, a sheet of music has always been my greatest therapist. An serviceiPod and some singable tunes come in close second. And then maybe a vodka tonic. Ummm, yep, in that order and maybe all at the same time.

Spending this afternoon playing and singing made my heart soar and I swear to you made those little cells wiggle their way closer to home. Well, at least that what I've decided. There are a few things that I have 'decided', because apparently I'm a control freak (yeah, go ahead and laugh. This is newer information to me than I care to admit. Again.). Some of those decisions are long term and unrelated to this shitshow and others have to do with my length of stay here and outcome. Being a touch superstitious I will not post any of them, though I'm sure you can probably divine what most of those shitshow-related ones are.

Mom hung out for a few hours today and we had some good-old-fashioned laughs at the expense of the Emmy fashion from last night. Trashy TV is food for the soul, that's all I know. The Emmys, Jersey Shore, Wanda Williams, COPS- you name the trash, I'm watchin' it. Well, don't get me wrong here, I'm not parked on my ass all day watching TV (duh, I just waxed poetic about music and vodka...and I walked for over an hour today to get the blood a-pumpin'), but in those minutes and hours when I need to turn my brain off, and a book is too hard to concentrate on, TV effing rocks.

P left early tonight so he could go home and get some grub with Mom and then get up to work remotely in the morning, so I'm enjoying a touch of alone time with my iPod and this blog. Talking to family at home was another wonderful part of today, so a shout out to the fam for bringing a HUGE smile. Love you:)

Having this outlet to share, though not everything, has been incredible. Having dear friends, family and others who read, comment, reach out, uplift and inspire is priceless. As always, thank you for walking with me on this journey and thank you for your prayers/intention/good juju. That shit works.

Much quiet, peaceful, musical love:)


  1. Maybe Michael the music therapist is secretly Jesus stepping out for the day. It's fun to think like that anyway.... I think we can agree he's doing the same work!

    So glad you got your coffee and enjoyed quiet joys. I love seeing your progress. xoxoxoxo
    Aunt Mary.

  2. does the body and soul some good! I am glad you enjoyed it:-) Great job walking for an hour, you are a trooper! Keep it up girl. I love reading your blog and posts. I am thinking of you and hoping those cells find their way home. Get some rest my friend. XOXO

  3. Yay, COFFEE!!!!! And yay, music. :)


  4. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

    i wonder how many x(s) and o(s) it will take to fill up this box?

  5. So glad you have your musical outlet for expression - use it! Express each sentiment loudly, softly, with loud percussion or quiet piano, lose yourself in the music.

    Thinking of you as you go through this part of the journey. Patience is a tough one (I haven't figured it out yet), but it's what I am praying for for you.

    And one question -- are you taking that bottle of beer down and passing it around, or should we be doing that up here in PA in your honor? Just checking...!

  6. Laura: So happy to hear that you had such a good day. What made it good for me was talking to you. I was smiling the rest of the day. Uncle Jeff called me right after he and Aunt Jeanne talked to you. He was smiling too! Keep those good days coming. Love you,Nan

  7. "That Shit Works!" fave Laura quote so far, enjoy the coffee YUM!!!!

    Loving you :)

  8. I'm so glad that music was able to give you some solace yesterday - I know that we both got into the music field because of its amazing powers. As a fellow coffee lover, I was so excited to read that you got to enjoy a cup! Yay!

    Let's keep these happy, positive days rolling!

    Happy thoughts,

  9. I'm echoing the Yay! for the music guy and for the coffee! The
    combination is the best!

    Amy Grant and Michael W. Smith are award winning Christian musicians
    and have a great song from Psalm 119:105 for when we are feeling
    afraid or wondering about our path. The song calms my spirit and gives me peace when I hear it and I thought you might like it, Laura.


  10. Laura,

    I am overjoyed to hear that you are feeling well and doing well. That 'line' made me well up! Michael sounds like he rocks (in a quiet, calming way) :)

  11. Love what Jeannie said about immersing yourself in your music, and in the hard task of patience! I'm so glad that your two loves, music and yoga, are part of the healing MD Anderson is providing for you. It's remarkable, really, that such a big place has such a level of sensitivity. But then, MD Anderson is the people, isn't it? I'm glad your day was uneventful, coffee-fulfilled, and happy. Wishes for 97 more like it! Love, Chris

  12. Laura, thank you for blessing simple joys like a cup of coffee - it's a good reminder to appreciate the moment, the Now, which is really all there is.
    I'm glad YOU are deciding how it's gonna be - your thoughts and intentions are more powerful than you might think! It was nice go hear about you enjoying the fake book and keyboard - our organ at home was my very best friend all through school. Wishing you another Excellent day!